New Thanksgiving

I didn't go home for Thanksgiving this year.
I have a group project due on Monday and we had a lot of work to get done. We worked for 3 hours today, are working on it tomorrow and Sunday. And even though I knew it was the logical thing to do I still kind of wish I could have gone home.

Its strange, the thought of it didn't bother me at all, I mean its only Thanksgiving. For me it has never been that big of a deal. I only remember spending Thanksgiving with both of my parents like 4 times. My parents got divorced when I was in 1st grade and so after that my mom and I almost always went to North Carolina. The times we didn't I either spent it with my dad or at someones else's' house with my parents. Once my parents got back together we spent it together but that was only high school. When you are used to not spending it with all of you family it just doesn't seem like that big of a deal. But it was.

My dad texted me at noon on Thursday and asked me if I knew where my "Alice's Restaurant" was. It made me cry. That is the one thing we always did on Thanksgiving was listen to Alice's Restaurant. So I had to listen to it in my room, thank God for youtube.

Granted the day was not all sad. I did actually get to eat a yummy dinner with Josh's family. It was a lot of fun, different from what I am used, but fun. My family doesn't watch football or play board games after dinner. But it was fun to sit and watch and listen.

My mom actually had to work on Thursday so they celebrated today. My mom kept trying to convince me to come home today, but I knew I couldn't.

But I know that it is only two weeks till the end of the term and I will be able to go home. At least as long as I don't get this job. If I do then who knows, I might not be able to go home till Christmas.

But on a happier note, its officially Christmas time :) Time for family and friends. Trees and lights. Good food and good music. I love this time of year. Everything seems so magical. Except for finals.... those will never be magical.

Maybe

Maybe its the end of the semester that gets me feeling this way.
Maybe my body knows something that I don't.
I don't stay up to all hours of the night.
I sleep.A lot.Always have.
When I can't, something isn't right.
It scares me a little.
Maybe it will pass.
Maybe it all means nothing more than its the end of the semester and my mind just wont turn off.
I'm going to go with that one.

Long overdue

I stare at this blog almost everyday.
Wanting to write something.
But I just check a new tab and go on.

Things have been going pretty well. School is providing the majority of the stress in my life. Luckily I was able to get out of my online class, which was causing me the most stress. Math isn't going as well as I would like but I'm pulling through. Arts Management is proving to be even harder than I thought that it was going to be. I hate group projects, but we finally have a lot figured out and hopefully will lead to a great final presentation.

GTC came and went. It was organized chaos to say the least. I didn't have to work nearly as many hours as some people did which was balanced out by the fact that I had 2 7 am calls. In the end we passed on quiet a few of CSU students,including Janine yay :)

Cannibal the Musical....
Where do I even start.
We didn't have most of our props until final dress.
We froze back stage.
The show was putting me in an awful mood.
Then we show up for our first show, and they are setting up chairs outside.
Yup we did the show in the driveway of the space we had been rehearsing in that week because we had been kicked out by the fire marshal. The next night we get rained out. The night after that we are at The Goetchius House. This means we are once again outside. In 42 degree weather. We spent that night and the next weekend there. Now we are moving to The Roadhouse. Which is a 21 and up location. This means a good chunk. At least this is the last weekend.

Auditions.
My goal was to be cast in Crazy for you.
My other goal was to get a callback for Piece of my Heart.
I was called back for Piece of my Heart and fell in love with the show.
I felt like it was one of the best callbacks I have ever had. Sadly I had to leave early to go to Cannibal.
Crazy for you callbacks took place over two days.I got the first dance right away, the tap on the other hand... not so much. On the day that we did the dances for Brenda my tap broke. Oh well. The readings went better but I still didn't know how to feel about it at the end of the day.
After all was said and done I was cast in Crazy for You as a Follies Girl/Tess's understudy and I am so excited about this!

This semester has been interesting. Great,fun,stressful,wonderful. I am ready for a break though. I'm ready to just unwind. I just have to stay focused.

And this life is a beautiful one

It is very strange to go from updating everyday to never updating.
These past few weeks have been crazy busy. I feel like I live in this whirl wind that if you blink you miss 50 things.

I got to go to Aubrun with what I am sure to be one of my only free weekends until November. It was great to see Shannon and to get out of Columbus for a little while.

I survived understudy run of God's Ear. And the comedic effect the show was given with Garrett and I jumping in and out of different characters I am sure was a much needed break from the depressing show that it normally is. With that being said we also opened and closed God's Ear. I almost had to go on but luckily I did not. The show seemed to be well received and effected some people much more than I thought it was going to. I guess that when you have seen the show a million times sometimes the effect gets lost on you. But I am glad that it made people think and even scared them to a point. Even though we don't always appreciate it when theatre does it to us I am glad that it is able to have that effect on people.

This semester has already seen so long and draining. I almost feel as if nothing more could happen, good or bad. But I know that is not true. Most of the time I don't want to think about any of it. I would just like to pretend that everything is sunshine and rainbows. But I can't help anyone and I can't help myself by thinking that way. Things just change so fast around here its almost hard to keep up with it all. I just remind myself. Trust who you know you can trust. Love who you can love. And put faith in yourself and God.

Union Jack

I have decided not to do GTC this year.
I was presented with two options.
1. Go to GTC, God willing go to SETC and once again God willing get summer work.
-This would mean being gone for the whole summer working at a theatre, like I have the past two summers only hopefully this time acting.
2. Go to England.
- Josh has asked me to go to England with him this summer for his grandpartent's 50th wedding anniversary.

For some reason this decision wasn't that hard for me to make. Almost from the moment that he asked I knew that I would go. But I did have to think about it. It is passing up an opportunity to act. But I feel like not going is also passing up a life experience. Besides Mexico I have never been out of the country, and lets face it I have always wanted to go to England.

I also feel like completely taking a summer away from theatre will be good for me. I just get so burnt out here with school that I don't want to lose a my passion with being so burnt out.

I'm still getting used to making decisions that will effect me in this much of the long term. Because I know that in saying I will go I am putting a lot of faith in trust in my relationship. Because obviously I will only get to go if we are still together 6months from now.

Deep breaths.

One step foward, three steps back

I thought that I was doing so well with that whole not being passive aggressive thing.
I was wrong.
I had a question that I really needed to be answered. In retrospective it wasn't a big deal. But for my sanity I needed to know. I couldn't ask it. We sat there for an hour. An I didn't ask it, it physically wouldn't not come out of my mouth.

In the end I asked my question and I got my answer....via text

Also now that I know the answer, I kinda wish I had never asked. I already knew the answer. I just found out specifics. I don't know what is worse. The fact that I expected the number to be different or that I now know more.

I just have this knot in my stomach that wont go away.

I know that this time is different. That I have a lot more invested in this relationship, which is still scary to me.

It will all be ok.
The world kept spinning.

I just don't understand.

Why my friends do this to themselves.
I can't even pretend like I am ok with it anymore.
I have nothing left to say about it, so I guess I just let it happen. I have made my peace and all it does now is put me in a bad mood.