Things that are making my life happy right now:
Reefer Madness
Situations
Math class( believe it or not)
Amazing friends
My best friend coming into town on saturday
feeling like i'm doing well in acting class
my body is getting back into a an ok shape and weight
Things that aren't making my life happy right now:
9 am classes
bum knee
shop
you
messy room
not sleeping well
not knowing what this feeling is... still
Thats all right now.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Hate is easy. Love takes courage
I don't know why I keep writing these really short blogs but I guess if I don't have that much to say then I don't have that much to say.
I'm trying to reach out to my friends that I feel like I am drifting away from. Its kinda helping but at times it still feels wrong or weird.
A new feeling that has entered as of late is this emptiness. Its worse then feeling numb. Its hard to explain. I feel something but its nothing. And I hate that you still bring that out in me. I hate that you still have some power over me. I can't get you out of my life because i care too much about you. But I still have a hard time have you as a friend in my life because I often feel like we where never friends. And you can't go back to something you never had.
Its strange to me how much second semester of freshman year has been on my mind lately. I haven't ever really thought about it. I guess because I have blocked a lot of it out. But its like lately my subconscious it trying to unlock all of it. I guess it would be a good thing. I mean I know that I have come to terms with everything that happened my first year that I was here. And now I guess my heart and mind are telling me that i need to remember it all so that I can fully learn from it. I guess I can't avoid repeating bad habits if I don't examine where they sprang from. And I can't be happy with who I am today if I am too ashamed to remember the past that made me the way I am today.
I am making the decision not hate you you. I am telling myself that its not your fault, because we all know that it isn't. I don't know you well enough to judge you on any other matter so I am trying not to. All I know is that you can do what I couldn't and I want you to. I want it all to be better. I want to be fully happy again and I don't think I can be as long as I hate you. So I am saying it here and now for the first time, and I will say it aloud as I type.
i forgive you. i don't hate you.
I'm trying to reach out to my friends that I feel like I am drifting away from. Its kinda helping but at times it still feels wrong or weird.
A new feeling that has entered as of late is this emptiness. Its worse then feeling numb. Its hard to explain. I feel something but its nothing. And I hate that you still bring that out in me. I hate that you still have some power over me. I can't get you out of my life because i care too much about you. But I still have a hard time have you as a friend in my life because I often feel like we where never friends. And you can't go back to something you never had.
Its strange to me how much second semester of freshman year has been on my mind lately. I haven't ever really thought about it. I guess because I have blocked a lot of it out. But its like lately my subconscious it trying to unlock all of it. I guess it would be a good thing. I mean I know that I have come to terms with everything that happened my first year that I was here. And now I guess my heart and mind are telling me that i need to remember it all so that I can fully learn from it. I guess I can't avoid repeating bad habits if I don't examine where they sprang from. And I can't be happy with who I am today if I am too ashamed to remember the past that made me the way I am today.
I am making the decision not hate you you. I am telling myself that its not your fault, because we all know that it isn't. I don't know you well enough to judge you on any other matter so I am trying not to. All I know is that you can do what I couldn't and I want you to. I want it all to be better. I want to be fully happy again and I don't think I can be as long as I hate you. So I am saying it here and now for the first time, and I will say it aloud as I type.
i forgive you. i don't hate you.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Who said you could grow up?!
Tonight I ventured back to my high school. Granted this isn't an odd occurrence, I try to go back to visit my drama teacher when ever I can. Today however was open house. I was walking around and really didn't see anyone that I knew. I realized that this was because the only people that I knew at the school where freshmen when I graduated, and they are now seniors. God that sounds so weird, they where my freshmen, they where so little and now they are going to be going to college soon! I walked into my old chorus room and saw the picture of the group of us that went to All-State my senior year. It seems like so long ago. I even ran into on of my friends who I had not seen since we graduated. We have kept in touch but its been all over the internet. We just stood there in the hall way talking about the people we knew and how it was so weird that so many of them where married and had kids. Even though high school does seem like so long ago I know that it was only 2 years ago and the fact that people have already decided that they are ready to settle down in their lives seems like such a foreign concept to me.
I think the weirdest part of the whole night is the fact that steeping back into Hiram High school was like going back in time. More like it was frozen in time, if that makes any sense. A lot of the same teachers where there, it looked just like I remembered it. And worst of all it still smelt the same. I'm not entirely sure why the how school smells like a sweating gym sock, but it does. They even had my graduating classes senior pictures up to advertise for the year book which was epically creepy.
I think its so strange to me because I have changed so much in the past two years and for some reason I don't expect Hiram to change. I still want to walk through the halls and see all the people that I saw when I went there. Even though you could not pay me enough money to go back to high school, its nice to know its there. The truth is I loved high school. And at times I actually miss it.
To end this post I am going to put up some pics from high school, scary as they may be.
Drama Seniors
/>
All State
Before Senior Breakfast
10th grade Honors World History
Stacy, Jordan and I at our Sweet 16 birthday party
I think the weirdest part of the whole night is the fact that steeping back into Hiram High school was like going back in time. More like it was frozen in time, if that makes any sense. A lot of the same teachers where there, it looked just like I remembered it. And worst of all it still smelt the same. I'm not entirely sure why the how school smells like a sweating gym sock, but it does. They even had my graduating classes senior pictures up to advertise for the year book which was epically creepy.
I think its so strange to me because I have changed so much in the past two years and for some reason I don't expect Hiram to change. I still want to walk through the halls and see all the people that I saw when I went there. Even though you could not pay me enough money to go back to high school, its nice to know its there. The truth is I loved high school. And at times I actually miss it.
To end this post I am going to put up some pics from high school, scary as they may be.
Drama Seniors
/>All State
Before Senior Breakfast
10th grade Honors World History
Stacy, Jordan and I at our Sweet 16 birthday party
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Redy, set, home
About this time every year I start to get very anxious.
I'm sad to see summer go but so ready for school to start.
It was bad when I was in high school but since I've gone off to college its gotten even worse. I had a great summer, I know I've said that many times on here, but I'm ready to go back to Columbus. I need to tie up loose ends.
My monologue is ready and so is my song. I've got my new clothes, new hair cut, new glasses and new hair color. Yea someone should really stop me from dying my hair this close to auditions but oh well.
Who knows who wrote that song of Summer
That blackbirds sing at dusk
This is a song of colour
I'm sad to see summer go but so ready for school to start.
It was bad when I was in high school but since I've gone off to college its gotten even worse. I had a great summer, I know I've said that many times on here, but I'm ready to go back to Columbus. I need to tie up loose ends.
My monologue is ready and so is my song. I've got my new clothes, new hair cut, new glasses and new hair color. Yea someone should really stop me from dying my hair this close to auditions but oh well.
Who knows who wrote that song of Summer
That blackbirds sing at dusk
This is a song of colour
Monday, August 11, 2008
New year, new me?
Pretty much every year I say that this year is going to be differnt.
And for the most part it is but not really because I set out to make it be. Rather because things happen and I don't come out of the year the same person that I went in as.
This year I am trying to add some things in that will change because I want them to, not just because they do. I hopefully will be able to keep up with this working out thing that I've been trying to do as of late. I want to start eating better and drinking less soda.
Along with this semi new life style I need some new clothes to go along with it. Ok so basically it was just an excuse to shop :D But here are some things that I have picked up as of late.
The first thing we have is a brown f lowly top.
Next is a pair of sweat pants that I picked up form Express on a freakishly cold July day in Michigan.
Next is a very strange looking shirt that I also bought on a whim in MI. It looks better on I swear. Regardless it was 5 bucks and I thought what the hell.
Next we have a purple shirt that is a little to big for me. I bought it this way so that I could wear it a couple of differnt way though :D
Next we have another brown flowly top that I fell in love with. Its again a little odd looking but I love it anyways.
This shirt is awesome because it has a built in sudeo tie.
Now this shirt proves that i can not stop buying black! but it does have pink and is argyle.
Lastly we have my new running shoes.
I also bought a pair of brown and black leggings but I don't think those really need to be photographed.
Also new this year will be my reading glasses that have not come in yet and my hair cut. Sadly its really hard to get a picture of it that shows that its not all one length but I do have a slightly emoesk picture that sorta shows it off.
And thus begins a new me... kind of.
And for the most part it is but not really because I set out to make it be. Rather because things happen and I don't come out of the year the same person that I went in as.
This year I am trying to add some things in that will change because I want them to, not just because they do. I hopefully will be able to keep up with this working out thing that I've been trying to do as of late. I want to start eating better and drinking less soda.
Along with this semi new life style I need some new clothes to go along with it. Ok so basically it was just an excuse to shop :D But here are some things that I have picked up as of late.
The first thing we have is a brown f lowly top.
Next is a pair of sweat pants that I picked up form Express on a freakishly cold July day in Michigan.
Next is a very strange looking shirt that I also bought on a whim in MI. It looks better on I swear. Regardless it was 5 bucks and I thought what the hell.
Next we have a purple shirt that is a little to big for me. I bought it this way so that I could wear it a couple of differnt way though :D
Next we have another brown flowly top that I fell in love with. Its again a little odd looking but I love it anyways.
This shirt is awesome because it has a built in sudeo tie.
Now this shirt proves that i can not stop buying black! but it does have pink and is argyle.
Lastly we have my new running shoes.
I also bought a pair of brown and black leggings but I don't think those really need to be photographed.
Also new this year will be my reading glasses that have not come in yet and my hair cut. Sadly its really hard to get a picture of it that shows that its not all one length but I do have a slightly emoesk picture that sorta shows it off.
And thus begins a new me... kind of.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Friends for
I have lived in Ga pretty much my entire life, all except for those first 8 months that don't really count in the in the long run. I have done almost everything that a typical Ga girl should do. I've gone to countless Braves games, climbed Kennesaw mountain numerous times, I've ridden all the rides at Six Flags and White Water. I've seen the Peach Drop on New Years, I've seen a play at the Fox, taken a picture with Santa on the square, been to many battle fields, and 4 H camps and of course seen the Laser show at Stone Mountain. But for some reason last night was still so much fun!
I went to watch the "new" laser show at Stone Mountain, of course its been so long since I've seen the laser show that I don't even remember what the old one looked like. I went with some other college kids from Church. Its amazing how you can not see people for months and still manage to have a blast with them.
One of the girls there was my friend Emily. Emily and I have known each other for literally as long as I can remember. We meet when we both where in the day care program at Children's World learning center then went to elementary school together and have been going to church together since we where 5 which means we've been in youth groups together since then too. Its great to know that friendships can last this test of time. Granted Em and I aren't the type of friends who call each other ever week. But we take an interest in each other's lives and and there when the other one needs us. And most importantly we can still hang out and have fun.
Its nights like last night that give me faith in humanity and friendship.
take the first step in faith. you don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
I went to watch the "new" laser show at Stone Mountain, of course its been so long since I've seen the laser show that I don't even remember what the old one looked like. I went with some other college kids from Church. Its amazing how you can not see people for months and still manage to have a blast with them.
One of the girls there was my friend Emily. Emily and I have known each other for literally as long as I can remember. We meet when we both where in the day care program at Children's World learning center then went to elementary school together and have been going to church together since we where 5 which means we've been in youth groups together since then too. Its great to know that friendships can last this test of time. Granted Em and I aren't the type of friends who call each other ever week. But we take an interest in each other's lives and and there when the other one needs us. And most importantly we can still hang out and have fun.
Its nights like last night that give me faith in humanity and friendship.
take the first step in faith. you don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Lessons Learned
I have had one of the best summers of my life this year. I have learned so much about who I am as a person and just life in general. So here are some lessons learned.
1. I learned how to work a 8-5 job.
2. Learned when not to go out and party
3. Learned some self control
4. Learned that I could not work in the shop for the rest of my life.
5. Learned how to work a spot light
6. Learned to live a thousand miles away from my family and friends
7. Learned to handle my stress a little better
8. Learned to judge people a little better.
I have learned so much more but these are just a few. I know I have so much more to learn. But I am glad to have had this summer to live, learn and love.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder,
but it sure does make the rest of you lonely.
*Charlie Brown
1. I learned how to work a 8-5 job.
2. Learned when not to go out and party
3. Learned some self control
4. Learned that I could not work in the shop for the rest of my life.
5. Learned how to work a spot light
6. Learned to live a thousand miles away from my family and friends
7. Learned to handle my stress a little better
8. Learned to judge people a little better.
I have learned so much more but these are just a few. I know I have so much more to learn. But I am glad to have had this summer to live, learn and love.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder,
but it sure does make the rest of you lonely.
*Charlie Brown
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